MeToo provided important language, but it was a blunt instrument, and it didn’t provide insight into encounters that were awkward, uncomfortable or regretful, but which both people had agreed to.
I can’t recall how many beer busts, after hours, tea dances, bars, back rooms and other public gay male congregations I’ve been to where the lure was specifically the chance of “unasked” for and “unwanted” “non-consensual” groping. I’ve had leather lesbians get handsy with me! The only times when it was not very fun was when the super-drunk one homed in on the big muscle guy.
It’s really a science fiction event reading about the heterosexual world.
The author doesn't quite work up the courage to say it clearly and directly, so here it is:
Most women WANT the people they're interested in to make sensual advances without explicit permission. It's HOT.
It says "I want you so much I'm willing to risk a huge rejection".
Straight women especially enjoy the demonstration of male bravery and self-confidence, as long as there is respect for any limits that are set.
The women who have not been too traumatized by previous horrible experiences in this realm accept dealing with the occasional unwanted advances that come with this, and do their best to send the right signals to the right person. And get frustrated when the other side doesn't pay attention.
The message of MeToo to well-meaning men should be, "Pay better attention!"
Reading this makes me think of brilliant scenes from recent shows.
In Upload, a sci fi comedy, two people coming back from a first date are getting passionate and they eagerly start to undress. “Wait “ she says, “did you bring protection?”
Yes, he says eagerly, and the both attach small cameras to their chests.
Each looks directly into each other’s camera with a rushed “I consent.” Before falling into bed.
There’s a small booklet I like called “Good Consent” and I appreciated how it goes beyond the over simplistic understandings of consent. Also I follow an Instagram page called the “Wheel of Consent” and plan to get the book under the same name at some point. I have found learning about kink communities and how they talk about consent in ways that get missed by mainstream discourse illuminating for me.
I can’t recall how many beer busts, after hours, tea dances, bars, back rooms and other public gay male congregations I’ve been to where the lure was specifically the chance of “unasked” for and “unwanted” “non-consensual” groping. I’ve had leather lesbians get handsy with me! The only times when it was not very fun was when the super-drunk one homed in on the big muscle guy.
It’s really a science fiction event reading about the heterosexual world.
The author doesn't quite work up the courage to say it clearly and directly, so here it is:
Most women WANT the people they're interested in to make sensual advances without explicit permission. It's HOT.
It says "I want you so much I'm willing to risk a huge rejection".
Straight women especially enjoy the demonstration of male bravery and self-confidence, as long as there is respect for any limits that are set.
The women who have not been too traumatized by previous horrible experiences in this realm accept dealing with the occasional unwanted advances that come with this, and do their best to send the right signals to the right person. And get frustrated when the other side doesn't pay attention.
The message of MeToo to well-meaning men should be, "Pay better attention!"
Reading this makes me think of brilliant scenes from recent shows.
In Upload, a sci fi comedy, two people coming back from a first date are getting passionate and they eagerly start to undress. “Wait “ she says, “did you bring protection?”
Yes, he says eagerly, and the both attach small cameras to their chests.
Each looks directly into each other’s camera with a rushed “I consent.” Before falling into bed.
There’s a small booklet I like called “Good Consent” and I appreciated how it goes beyond the over simplistic understandings of consent. Also I follow an Instagram page called the “Wheel of Consent” and plan to get the book under the same name at some point. I have found learning about kink communities and how they talk about consent in ways that get missed by mainstream discourse illuminating for me.