I never thought I would relate to people who’d left fundamentalist religions. I grew up atheist, with a mother who was loyal to science and a dad who kept his spiritual beliefs to himself. I experienced a lot less pressure to conform to gendered expectations than other girls, and after watching my parents’ marriage implode, I wasn’t sure I’d ever tie the knot. My parents encouraged to pursue my interests rather than fulfil familial expectations.
I felt like the examples you gave of perceived “traditions unsullied by modernity” were all bombshells to me. Any resources or essays with more information? Thanks for such a thoughtful and relatable essay.
This is such an interesting exploration of your experiences. Your openness and vulnerability jumps off the page!!
When I read about your belief that your deceased grandparents could see you and were judging you harshly, I felt so sad for the younger you. What a terrible burden that must have been. I’m thinking that some part of you may have been unable to accept the total, permanent loss of your three dead grandparents and the story you invented protected you from dealing with that. But it came with a cost.
Two other things came up for me when I read your piece. First, I was thinking about the relationship between purity and perfectionism. A lot has been written about the deleterious effects of perfectionism on people’s mental health. I wonder if what you describe as purity overlaps with perfectionism. Hmmmmm.
Second, I was thinking about the relationship between science and religion. Usually science and religion set out to answer different questions. I suppose the clash results from the fact that someone with a scientific bent will have a hard time processing many Bible stories, for instance, as anything other than wishful fabrications. (For that matter, many religious people would have a hard time explaining how dinosaur bones relate to the Bible’s creation story.)
Most people with scientific mind sets will concede that their type of knowledge does nothing to help us understand the meaning of our lives or how it was that we came to be. Learning to live with the mystery of our origins and purpose can be a struggle once you reject the “easy answers” provided by mainstream religions. There’s definitely some tragic elements in all of this, as any study of Charles Darwin’s personal life will illustrate.
Thanks for the thought provoking work. I love that you are able to reflect on your earlier life in a way that helps you understand how you can live a more fulfilling life.
This was a fascinating read! I often find myself frustrated when people refuse to deal with nuance and treat everything as good vs evil, but I typically just don't engage and have never thought to ask how they've come to think that way. It really is quite similar to religion! I'm glad you've come to enjoy the messiness of life, and this honestly gave me more compassion and understanding for those who aren't there yet.
I felt like the examples you gave of perceived “traditions unsullied by modernity” were all bombshells to me. Any resources or essays with more information? Thanks for such a thoughtful and relatable essay.
This is such an interesting exploration of your experiences. Your openness and vulnerability jumps off the page!!
When I read about your belief that your deceased grandparents could see you and were judging you harshly, I felt so sad for the younger you. What a terrible burden that must have been. I’m thinking that some part of you may have been unable to accept the total, permanent loss of your three dead grandparents and the story you invented protected you from dealing with that. But it came with a cost.
Two other things came up for me when I read your piece. First, I was thinking about the relationship between purity and perfectionism. A lot has been written about the deleterious effects of perfectionism on people’s mental health. I wonder if what you describe as purity overlaps with perfectionism. Hmmmmm.
Second, I was thinking about the relationship between science and religion. Usually science and religion set out to answer different questions. I suppose the clash results from the fact that someone with a scientific bent will have a hard time processing many Bible stories, for instance, as anything other than wishful fabrications. (For that matter, many religious people would have a hard time explaining how dinosaur bones relate to the Bible’s creation story.)
Most people with scientific mind sets will concede that their type of knowledge does nothing to help us understand the meaning of our lives or how it was that we came to be. Learning to live with the mystery of our origins and purpose can be a struggle once you reject the “easy answers” provided by mainstream religions. There’s definitely some tragic elements in all of this, as any study of Charles Darwin’s personal life will illustrate.
Thanks for the thought provoking work. I love that you are able to reflect on your earlier life in a way that helps you understand how you can live a more fulfilling life.
Brilliant, as always!
This was a fascinating read! I often find myself frustrated when people refuse to deal with nuance and treat everything as good vs evil, but I typically just don't engage and have never thought to ask how they've come to think that way. It really is quite similar to religion! I'm glad you've come to enjoy the messiness of life, and this honestly gave me more compassion and understanding for those who aren't there yet.
I loved the last paragraph- really well said.