Since a local organization is currently under attack from false allegations of a social justice nature, crybullies have been on my mind, and it’s come to my attention that not everyone knows what the term means. Although autocorrect has not caught up, “crybully” was added to Dictionary.com in 2019, and has also made it into the Oxford English Dictionary as well as the Collins Dictionary. The latter has my favourite definition:
This has been something I have been thinking about lately but didn’t put language on. At the same time part of me wonders if there’s more to the list of how to spot when someone is crybullying. Perhaps each situation will be so unique that it has to be evaluated on its own. In the case of the example you opened your newsletter on, the one perpetuating it has clearly huge power difference with the group the organization helps and has been wanting to the organization down for the longest time so they found the best excuse to do so within a short period of time of being accused themselves to deflect from accountability
I’m not normally a fan of labels, but reading this made me rethink my position. Having a shorthand way of discussing behaviours as destructive as the ones you are alluding to in this article may have a place, as long as the label “crybully” doesn’t itself become weaponized or overused. I recognize the behaviours you are discussing and they can be very toxic to people and organizations if they are not handled correctly.
Before I knew the word “gaslighting”, there was a type of behaviour I was familiar with that I wouldn’t have been able to name. I don’t use the word often, but it has come in handy, especially when trying to understand statements made by people like Donald Trump or Vladimir Putin.
Perhaps the word “crybully” could be useful in a similar way, but I would still prefer a name for the behaviours rather than the person using them. Hmmmmm.
Wanted to let you know that you saved me about three weeks’ worth of writing last December re: conflicting social justice dogmas. I linked to your essay “Why I Left Social Justice” at the close my (scathing) critique of fat acceptance literature. Hope you don’t mind.
(If you’re ever interested in expanding on the idea and chronicling more “damned if I do; damned if I don’t” situations, I think it would be EXTREMELY useful for getting our point across. Open to collaboration.)
I’d love to hear some more about your involvement with anarchy. I think it would greatly assist in reading your message.
This has been something I have been thinking about lately but didn’t put language on. At the same time part of me wonders if there’s more to the list of how to spot when someone is crybullying. Perhaps each situation will be so unique that it has to be evaluated on its own. In the case of the example you opened your newsletter on, the one perpetuating it has clearly huge power difference with the group the organization helps and has been wanting to the organization down for the longest time so they found the best excuse to do so within a short period of time of being accused themselves to deflect from accountability
This is the first time ever that I read "Crybully" and I think it's gonna be this week's favorite word ✨
This is a very thoughtful and honest piece - I was wondering if financial support would come up as a common tactic, and it did!
I’m not normally a fan of labels, but reading this made me rethink my position. Having a shorthand way of discussing behaviours as destructive as the ones you are alluding to in this article may have a place, as long as the label “crybully” doesn’t itself become weaponized or overused. I recognize the behaviours you are discussing and they can be very toxic to people and organizations if they are not handled correctly.
Before I knew the word “gaslighting”, there was a type of behaviour I was familiar with that I wouldn’t have been able to name. I don’t use the word often, but it has come in handy, especially when trying to understand statements made by people like Donald Trump or Vladimir Putin.
Perhaps the word “crybully” could be useful in a similar way, but I would still prefer a name for the behaviours rather than the person using them. Hmmmmm.
Thank you! ‼️☝🏾
Kier, thanks for another wonderful piece!
Wanted to let you know that you saved me about three weeks’ worth of writing last December re: conflicting social justice dogmas. I linked to your essay “Why I Left Social Justice” at the close my (scathing) critique of fat acceptance literature. Hope you don’t mind.
(If you’re ever interested in expanding on the idea and chronicling more “damned if I do; damned if I don’t” situations, I think it would be EXTREMELY useful for getting our point across. Open to collaboration.)